Homesick

Things I miss about home:

• ICE in my drinks
• Sweet Tea, HEB tortillas, Two Step, Chick-fil-A, 
• Having a well-stocked diaper bag (Didn't bring one because it was too much to carry)
• Washer AND dryer
• Having more than one pair of jeans (hubs accidentally took my other pair back with him! OOPS!)
• Driving my van
• Going where I want when I want, and knowing how to get there
• The playroom in our house -- lots of entertainment for my little one!
• my bed and pillow
• Water from the tap
• Fresh fruits and vegetables, especially cucumbers
• Being in the same time zone as my children, and my friends and family
• Routine
• ENGLISH BILLBOARDS (yes, even in San Antonio, where English is the second language!)
• People who smile and talk friendly to you, even if they don't know you. 
• Most of all, my kids.  I can't stand being away from them.  It's breaks my heart daily.
• My Bible -- I brought my Nook, but the cord broke.  I have one on my husband's phone, but that's small.  I have my laptop.  I have access to God's Word, but I just love the familiarity and the feel of my big, thick, leather bound Bible.  It was too heavy to pack. :'(

Things I like About Ukraine

• It actually looks a lot like Kansas here!
• The weather is AWESOME!  70 or below, rainy...I know it doesn't sound awesome but hey, I live in San Antonio.  Anything other than HOT and HUMID is awesome!
• The Malones and Jamie
• Hearing worship songs in Russian at the Malones' church!!

Spiritual Warfare

I knew this would be hard.  I knew that visiting an orphanage run by Soviet era doctors and nannies who try to care, but still treat it as "just a job", and seeing all the lost little faces would be tough.  I knew our son would be tiny, not quite as tiny as he actually is, but I knew he would not be a typical 4.5 yr old.  In fact he is about the same height and weight as our 2 yr old, who was a preemie and had Failure to Thrive the two years of her life and is tiny herself by American 2 yr old standards.  All the 3T in his closet back home will have to wait until we get some Chick-fil-A and chocolate milk in him.  ;)

What I did not expect was to be an emotional wreck.  I was fine on the way here, fine when we got here, fine in Kiev, and fine until the day we met him. I have cried since Thursday night, and didn't eat at all today.  My stomach is queasy.  I am shaky and can't sleep well.  My heart is begging to go home.  I miss my girls more than words can describe.  I am so homesick that I am physically sick.  But it's not him, he will fit in so perfectly in our family, it is obviously a God ordained thing.  Oh how he loves his Papa!  But Satan is not happy, and I can physically feel it.  He is not happy that one of his orphans, that he claims for a lifetime of misery, is finally learning what joy is.  He is not happy that we are taking back what he tried to steal from God, that we are claiming victory for this lost little one.

You may not believe me.  You may think I am over-exaggerating.  But believe me when I tell you that this IS spiritual warfare, adoption and caring for God's least of these.

I am not the type to leave my kids for extended periods.  I have never been away from them for more than a few hours.  Even in the hospital when the younger ones were born, my girls were by my side.  I miss Tate's goofy smile when she comes up with another silly middle school girl idea.  I miss Autie's hugs and kisses, and her twinkly blue eyes.  I miss Mattie snuggling with me at night.  I miss the squeals and the laughter.  I miss the joy of home.

There is no joy here.  It is very dark here.  Very dark.  Yet, I have light.  I have Jesus and faith that He has brought me this far and will get me through this.  I cannot do this alone, but I can do this with Him..  Little by little, day by day, I can get through this.  I have faith that God will carry me through this because He promised me He would.  I am following His call, and He will take care of me.  He never promised easy.  He never promised fun.  He promised only that He'd hold me while I walk where He has told me to go.

So far so good

We made it to Ukraine on Tuesday afternoon, and headed to a small town about an hour from downtown called Brovary, where some Facebook "friends"-turned dear, sweet real life friends graciously brought us into their home.  This has saved us at least $400 in food and lodging, but more incredibly than that, God provided for us by giving us a "home" and not a hotel and friends who are not only willing to help, but actually worry for our safety and our mental health while we are getting the first bit of madness out of the way.  I LOVE how God has provided for us with so many friends to help us, so that we have had such an enjoyable paperchase and first two days in a foreign country.  It doesn't even feel like we are away from home, except that everyone speaks a different language, and I am missing my girlies terribly.  Ukraine looks  A LOT like Kansas.  Same weather, same landscape.  And our friends have a beautiful home and family.  We got in before the children awoke from their naps, and when they got up we were greeted with five set of arms wrapped around our necks and five instant BFF's.  Whoever says kids with DS should be aborted before given a chance to love and live needs to experience these five.  They are beautiful souls.

We went to DAP to look at our child's file today.  There were two sweet baby pictures that we will receive later in the process.  I am really excited about that!  I was praying for baby pictures.  Seems silly, but it will be important to our kiddo some day.  Tomorrow we go back to pick up the referral, then we board a night train to his region.  We will arrive at 7am and be able to meet him shortly after that!  Two more sleeps until we meet our son!!

Only one  more sleep until he will know what love is.

Deep breaths...

Tomorrow I leave to go to my parents' house.  I am leaving three of my four girls with her and counting on a village to take care of them for the next month.  I will leave on Thursday to come back and pack and I won't see my children again till we come home with Newbie in mid-September.  This is the first time I have ever left town without my kids, and I am leaving the country.  Inhale.  Exhale.  Inhale...

I am leaving my flock to find the long lost one.  It is SO HARD.  May May turns 5 and goes to her first day of kindergarten (on the same day!) and I won't be here.  I have NEVER missed a birthday or a first day of school!! I am so so sad about this.  Did I forget to exhale? .... Exhale.  Inhale....

The next few weeks are going to be a circus for my flock.  They will be in KS for 2 weeks and back home for 2 weeks with my husband, then another 2 weeks with my husband's mom at our house, and another week at home with my mom.  They will be starting school, and having orthodontist appointments, and living without me for 5 whole weeks. (Hopefully less)

I am hyperventilating just thinking about this.

May May asked me tonight what she was supposed to do if she got scared at night without me here.  GASP!  I am wondering who is going to tickle her feet softly as she falls asleep?  Who is going to squeeze Autie?  Who is going to laugh with Tate?  I know everyone who is caring for them loves them.  But they don't love them the way I love them!  I know them like no one else knows them.

I wish I could afford airfare for everyone!  I would just take them with me!!

It makes me feel somewhat better knowing that their daddy is coming home between the referral appointment and the court appointment to care for them, to see them off to their first day of school.  I dislike that I will be away for so so long, though.  It was just more cost effective for him to come back alone than for us to buy TWO tickets twice.  Raimie has to stay with me, since she still nurses.  I didn't think such a stressful time for the whole family would be a good time to cut her off cold turkey or try to provoke her to weaning.  (We are of the "child-led weaning" persuasion.)

I am so glad I will have one of my girlies with me to keep me company.

Please keep my family in your prayers over then next several weeks.  This is a new adventure for all of us.  But we all know it's worth it in the end.

Mixed Emotions

     We finally got our appointment date!  Believe it or not, it's August 21!  We were expecting Sept 3 or later.  This changed a lot for us. Having such a late date actually changed a lot for us.  We expected to travel in June or July.  We are thankful we did not, though, because we avoided a huge delay that would have cost us more money and even more precious to us, time away from our girlies!

      August is a busy month for us, gearing up for school and having Matalie's birthday.  This August is no different except we are scrambling to get our act together to leave the country on August 19! And we did not find out our date till July 30, complicating things even more.  After working things out amongst several people over the past 3 days, we finally have come to an arrangement that will just have to work.  It's not ideal but we will just have to trust that it all works out, both here and overseas.  The girls start school August 26th, Matalie's 5th birthday. I feel like the worst mom on earth by not being there for one of the biggest and scariest days of her life thus far... My hubby will be here to take care of them, as he is coming back to the US after we get the first round of paperwork done, so at least one of us can be here for her.  He will have to return, and yes, it will cost extra to do it this way, but it is what works for us and everyone who has generously agreed to help us.  He will be home and at work for nearly 2 weeks, which fills in a huge gap of child care that we needed to fill, and it will save some work vacation days he is using so he can take some time off to help when we get home with our newbie.

Sometimes you have to go through a few mountains and valleys to leave the flock to find the lost sheep...

So, we are busy packing and making arrangements at schools and getting the house as ready as possible for Grandma and Grammy to come and help out.I have grocery shopping to do, meals to make and freeze, travel shopping, packing, etc.

This is a wild ride and we haven't even got on the plane yet!!

Not so good at this...

The updates have been few and far between for two reasons:  one is my laptop's motherboard and hard drive crashed at the same time!  (You know you're adopting when....LOL) The other is that we have not had anything exciting happen since my last post.

We were submitted May 30 and registered and approved June 19.  Usually, it only takes a week or two after being registered to receive a letter of invitation to the DAP, i.e. a "travel date".  That has not been the case for us.  And we don't know why.

We should have known our date by the first week of July, at the latest.  Our date should have been 4 weeks after that, so around late July/early August.  Some people who submitted the same week we were submitted already have their dates and they are last week of July and first week or August.  We still don't have an official invitation letter.  On July 5, our facilitator called the DAP to ask them if we had a date yet, and was told that it was "middle of August", but they would not give an exact date on the phone.  They then said that the letter could be picked up July 9 or 10.  But when our facilitator went to pick them up, there was no letter!  The DAP said they had to reschedule all dates! UGH!

Our facilitator called the DAP to get to the bottom of things on July 12.  The DAP said that our child's diagnosis was not on the "first line" list.  This "first line" list is the list of special needs that get appointments sooner.  We were placed in the "regular line" with healthy kids.  Our kiddo is far from healthy.   An in fact, the main diagnosis is on the list!  So, our facilitator, being the awesome advocate that she is for both our family and our kiddo, drove all the way to our child's orphanage to speak to the director and to ask the director to write a letter to the DAP stating our child's need for medical attention.  The director refused, but did say they were happy we were adopting this kiddo and would receive us with great pleasure when we got there!  (The director also would not allow for any information or photos, saying that the referral was needed for those things! UGH x 2!!)

Our facilitator then drove all the way back to the DAP to ask for the date.  They still could not give an answer, only that now it looked like end of August.  UGH x 3!!!!  The DAP told our facilitator to call back on Friday July 19.  

On July 19, our facilitator made a call and was told that we were on the list for Sept 3, but it still was not set in stone, it needed the approval of the director.  We heard NOTHING for a week.

That brings us to today.  Our facilitator called the DAP today and was told to call back at 4pm (their time).  We still do not know anything.  Still.... nothing.... not one iota....  sigh.

I just want to get there and get home.  I want to be here for the first day of school for Matalie.  She is going into kindergarten this year.  She has selective mutism and that makes going to school scarier for her than your average 5 yr old.  Oh yeah, and she turns 5 on the first day of school!  I am hoping that taking cupcakes on her first day will alleviate some fears and worries and she will be excited to take cupcakes to school.

I am going insane with worry about childcare.  We were supposed to travel in July.  I took my kids to Kansas in June, hoping to leave them with my parents while we traveled.  We decided after not hearing anything that it would be best to come back home and wait.  I need to get school supplies, school clothes, and get packed up and ready to go.  I am so glad I did that because we came home on July 12, and we still don't know anything!

I am just as lousy at waiting as I am at blogging. 

It's not much....

Keeping up with a crew of 4 (soon to be 5, SQUEEEE!!!) is hard work.  So, when we have invited guests over, I clean like mad all day long, vacuum the carpets 30 minutes before they are due to arrive then fill the house with yummy aromas of something sweet baking in the oven.  And when they walk in the door, I bet you can guess what I say, because I bet you say it too:  "Please pardon the mess!"  I have recently been trying not to do that because I cam to the realization that A) the friends we have over the most see the house at its worst and its best and they forgive the worst because they love us, and B) it really isn't being kind to myself to say that because I should have pride in my home and my work and give myself credit for the work I have done, rather than put myself down for the work I couldn't get done.  (I think I need one of those doormats that says "The house was clean yesterday, I'm sorry you missed it!" HA!)

And I have gotten a similar response from the generous people who have given to us the past couple of months to help raise the ransom for our newest addition.  They give what they can and then say to me, "It's not much.."    I just want to hug them (and often do) and say "It's enough!"

Let's look at the cold hard cash numbers for a minute:

$1 USD =  8.15 Ukrainian hryvnia

1 loaf of fresh white bread  is 4.07 UAH, or $0.50...for a whole loaf of bread!!
2 pounds of potatoes are 4.00 UAH, or about $0.50...!!!!
2 pounds of chicken is 39 UAH, or $4.79 (it's twice that here!!)
1.5 L of bottled water is 6 UAH, or about $0.75

See where I'm going here?

Beyond the facilitator fee and the airline tickets, we are going to have living expenses while there, including groceries and apartment rent.  I have been told it will be about $50/day for the apartment.  We will have to eat, too ;)  We are planning on taking some food with us, but we can't take 3 weeks worth, and we want to try out this new food!

So when you give from a cheerful and generous heart to help a family who is adopting THERE IS NO GIFT TOO SMALL!!  I was talking to the pastor's wife today and sharing the process we are going through and of course, the cost is always a curiosity with everyone.  I don't mind those questions -- I want to teach people about all of the process, and the cost is a major concern for many people.  She ran off for just a moment and came back and stuffed a wad into my hand.  "It's all I have on me." she said.  It's not much...nothing to get excited about."  I looked down at the three crumpled $1 bills in my hand and tears welled up in my eyes.  I told her, "You don't understand.  This will buy at least a day's worth of groceries in the country!"



We need to raise $10,000 in just a couple of weeks.  We should receive our invitation to travel next week!! We should be traveling in July!!!  It seems insurmountable, but I am leaving this in God's hands.  I don't have time to put together another fundraiser.  We have tried so many different fundraisers with little to no interest.  It has been very stressful and disheartening for me.  I sat outside for hours in the hot Texas sun with piles and piles of little girl clothes in our neighborhood wide garage sale and got less than $100 out of that (and someone actually tried to steal from us!!), I have tried the Chick-fil-A spirit night and only got $80, I have done a Flower Power fundraiser, our most successful one to date, and got $550.  I called several people to ask for help doing several different kinds of fundraisers that needed venues bigger than I could handle on my own and got shot down every time.  Every one of those fundraisers is being split with my dearest friend Shelly Burman in an effort to help her out getting her kiddos home, too!  But guess what?  That money, that $400-ish, will cover our groceries for quite a long time...

So when you give to an adopting family, give knowing that your "not much" is HUGE for them!  Even $5 buys a lot more here than it does there.  When we say "Every little bit counts" we really mean it.  And give yourself and God some credit for that gift your giving.  HE will make it go a long long way for that family.  

Besides, I'm pretty sure that widow  in Mark chapter 12 didn't say "It's not much..."

SUBMITTED!!!

So, yesterday, we were officially submitted!  Our completed dossier (big ol' expensive stack of paperwork, outlining our entire life as a family) is in the hands of the government officials of the country our newbie is from.  Yesterday is the beginning of the 40 day trial, the 40 days of waiting....40 days and counting.

It's not a literal 40 days, but an estimate of our wait.  But that "40 day" estimate really set into my mind and I pondered it.  In the Word of God, 40 is the number God uses as the length of time, whether it be days and nights or years, to set that person on a journey of trial and testing and probation (I'll come back to that word in a minute). Jesus was tempted in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights. (Matthew 4) Satan used three different ploys to tempt Him: physical drive (hunger in this instance), pride, and .  All of these ploys are human issues, not God issues, so Satan was tempting the human part of Jesus.  Satan even has the gall to attempt to use God's own Word against Him! Satan quotes from Psalm 91, "If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down [from the pinnacle of the temple he had led Jesus to], for it is written "He will command His angels concerning you," and "On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone." (Psalm 91:11,12)   This is a psalm about trusting God to take care of us, and satan contorts the words as a means to test God and cast doubt on God's faithfulness.  Satan also says in every temptation "IF you are the Son of God.."  IF IF IF.

I am not a patient person.  There, I said it.  I can be patient with my kids, but I don't like to wait for other people to get things done.  Guess what?  The country that our little one is from is notorious for taking their sweet time.  There is no sense of urgency with these people!  My child is wasting away in some orphanage and I have to wait on red tape?!  NOT my forte!  This is one of several reasons why we chose not to hire an agency -- why pay more money to wait on someone else to do what I can do myself much quicker and with the same precision?!   I thought the home study wait was going to be the death of me!  (It actually held up everything else, I had every other document finished before we got our home study report back!)

Part of the 40 day wait is a 20-business-day wait for their government to run interpol.  They take EVERY SINGLE LAST MINUTE to run interpol.  Seriously, let me run it myself.  I will send it in for you!  But that's not possible.

So, back to the word "probation".  I found this definition of "probation" and liked it:  "A process of  testing or observing the character or abilities of a person."  This is definitely testing my abilities to wait and rely on God to get things done in HIS time!

40 days is a looooong time when you're waiting on something like rescuing someone you love so much from somewhere you know they are not getting what they need.  40 days seems like not long enough to find the $10K to finish off our adoption and GO!

We need 6 $40 donations every day for these 40 days + 10 more, if we are going to meet our goal!  If you would like to make a donation you can find us at Grace Haven Ministry's website, and we are also featured at Project Hopeful, too!

God bless!! 

40 days...

We were not submitted today.  That made my heart hurt.  Every day I think about our kiddo, when we are doing things together as a family, especially sitting down for dinner.  That empty chair is mocking me.  The clothes we have picked are still on hangers, with tags (in case they don't fit).  The kid doesn't even have shoes yet because we don't know what size to get!

I told my hubby that it is driving me insane that we are here, waiting, longing, loving this kiddo from so far away.  The hubs astutely pointed out that our kiddo doesn't even know.  I think he wanted to make me feel better, but it didn't, it just broke my heart more.  I have loved this kiddo in this picture I have for 2 years, and for 3 months have known I would be the lucky mama to bring this little one home.  And this child, who is so so wanted and loved, does not even know it yet!  Pray with me for God to prepare that little heart for the overwhelming abundance of love!

Our facilitator told me that we WILL be submitted on May 30th.  She has an appointment for 10am on May 30th.  A friend of mine told me that she has known of facilitators pushing and fighting in line to get those dossiers submitted.  That somehow made me feel better, that there are good people willing to fight for these kids!  Another friend told me that the current time between submission and the date to go look at our child's file is about 40 days.

God spoke to me in that little statement.  40 days.  He can do a lot with 40 days.  He flooded the earth, cleansing it of corruption and evil in 40 days.  Jesus was tempted in the desert for 40 days.  Jesus was on earth for 40 days after His crucifixion before He ascended back into Heaven.  40 is a number that symbolizes a period of trial or probation that ends in revival and renewal.  It certainly will be trying to wait these last 40 days before meeting the little love I have been looking at in photos for the past 2 years!

40 days is not really a long time (though it does seem like it to my heart!), and we are not even close to fully funded.  We have not gotten the support we thought we would from the adoption community we are a part of.  It has been very disheartening and frustrating.  We have enough money left in savings for either the facilitator fee OR the airline tickets, but not both.  We'd like to raise money for both so if something comes up we have a little wiggle room.  We need about $10K to do that.

So, in the next 40 days, let see how many $40 donations we can receive!  Even one $40 a day for 40 days is $1600, which will cover most of one plane ticket!  We need six $40 donations a day to reach our goal.  I KNOW God can do this!!  If you cannot give $40, that's okay --give $5, find 3 friends who can give $10 each to have a group donation of $40! Every little bit counts!  And please SHARE!!

Check it out!!

In the famous words of my Lord and Saviour, "It is finished!"

We did it!! We completed, notarized, apostilled and shipped our dossier yesterday! YAAAAAYY!!!!!

And now we wait....

I am so blessed!

I have so many friends that are willing to help us out with last minute adoption costs!!   So I decided to post all the fundraisers we have going on right now in one place for easy access!!

First, today is my daughter's 9th birthday and today is the day we got a donate button on Project Hopeful's website!  When our friends asked Dot what she wanted for her birthday she said "I want (her new sibling) home!"  How sweet is that?!?!  She is very very excited to bring her new sibling home!!  So, in honor of her birthday we are asking for help in raising $900.  She'd LOVE this!

Go here http://projecthopeful.org/urgent-needs/ and check out or shiny new profile on Project Hopeful's Urgent Needs page!  Donate whatever you are led and let's surprise Dot for her birthday, shall we?


Next up is a fundraiser that my dear friend Angie set up.  She started selling Usborne books and has graciously and generously agreed to give us her first commission check!  See what I mean? BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE!  You can check out the Usborne book show HERE



Then, I was contacted by a good friend of mine from high school (ahh the good ol' days, right?).  Mindy sells Thirty One products and wants to donate part of her commission to our adoption efforts! I have never purchased Thirty One, myself (yet! I am eyeballing a blanket for our wagon!), but I have seen these products and they are very well made and beautiful!  You can go check them out HERE!

Amazing, huh?!  So so blessed!!  



So whether you need a new tote for the beach, a new thermal to carry your lunch to work or a good book to read to the kids before bed, you can get all that here and help a little one get home to LOVE and a family and medical care that they need!

Who are you?

I think all the time about our soon-to-be new addition.  What kind of personality will they have?  A mom adoption from the same orphanage recently saw my kiddo and said that they seemed shy.  I have two shy girls so shy won't bug me at all.  I am constantly explaining to well-meaning strangers (mostly older ladies who try so hard to provoke a smile from one of my little ones) that May and Dee Dee are

I went shopping at Old Navy today and it had me imagining what our newbie will like, what they think is funny, what is their favorite color?  I bought clothes that matched my children's personality --

A cat t-shirt for Tate.  She LOVES quirky graphic tees!

An I love you hand for Autie.  She does this through the car window every morning as she is going into school.  I love that girl!

But what will my newbie be like?  I have two daughters that are outgoing, two that are super shy.  My oldest is very sarcastic and sardonic, and has been from a really early age, and Dot and May May don't "get" sarcasm.  We have to be careful about what we say around them because sarcasm is just lost on them!  Dot LOVES hugs and kisses and is very affectionate, May May tells me daily, when I kiss her, that she doesn't like kisses because I kissed her too much when she was a baby. (LOL!!)  Dee Dee is silly and spunky, May May is very low key and serious.  They're all too smart for my own good!

I guess you could say we're prepared for any combination of traits and can't wait to meet this kiddo! :-)

FLOWER POWER!!!

This is a very unique fundraiser I found in the wee hours of the night, after my kiddos went to bed.  I was so excited about it!  I have a very special friend, Shelly, who has the same heart for orphans that I have.  She is adopting three kiddos with special needs, and needed help fundraising.  So we have paired up to help each other raise money for our adoptions!!

These flower bulbs are 100% guaranteed!  What a PERFECT Mother's Day present!!  And 50% of the purchases go toward our adoption fundraiser!!!   Please go have a look, and order some pretties for your garden or your mom's garden, or your grandma's garden!!!

http://www.flowerpowerfundraising.com/campaign?campaign_id=15812&user_campaign_id=373140

The Boat Song

"If you were a bird, then I'd be a tree, and you would come home my darlin',  to me.  And if you were asleep, then I'd be a dream. Wherever you are, that's where my heart will be."  ~ from The Boat Song, by JJ Heller.

Thinkin' of someone special today... missing and wishing that Someone Special were here to hold.  Soon, my Darlin'. Soon.

Unconventional

Unconventional   /un-con-ven-tion-al/  adjective. 

Not based on or conforming to what is generally done or believed.
Not bound by convention, rule or precedent.
Being out of the ordinary.

       For the most part, I lead an ordinary life.  I have an ordinary house, in an ordinary neighborhood.  I drive an ordinary minivan, and have an ordinary dog.  I wear ordinary clothes and ordinary shoes.  I don't stand out from the crowd much, and that is completely intentional.  I do not like to have all (or any) eyes on me.  I like to live my quiet, ordinary life.
       I do like to think I have an extra - ordinary husband, because I think he is rather charming and intelligent, witty and handsome and debonair.  He makes that U.S. Air Force uniform look good!! :)   And I also like to think I have extra- ordinary children, too.  They are much more beautiful than any other children I have seen, and they each have an inner beauty and individuality that I think is extremely precious.  And the military life isn't quite as ordinary as I wish it could be, but it does afford us some pretty neat experiences I would not trade.
      So when we announced to family and close friends that we are doing something rather unconventional and doing this intentionally, we got a pretty vast array of reactions.  Some were surprised, some were excited.  One friend, a very dear friend whose eyes are set on Christ, nearly cried with joy!  Some were visibly disappointed in our choice to subject our family to such unconventionality, but with unconditional love vowed their support despite their verbal fears and worries.
       It was very difficult for me to subject them to this disappointment, so much so that the fear of telling those I knew would not be overjoyed at our decision, the fear of being a disappointment to those whom I love made me physically ill.  This is not the first time I have subjected them to this kind of disappointment by veering off the conventional course, though, so I should be used to it, right?
       Truth is, I should always set my heart to please Christ, not everyone else.  It feels GREAT to be accepted by those you love!  But that was never what Christ-followers were called to do.

"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ."  ~ Galatians 1:10

This has been a verse God has used to speak to me for quite a while now.  I am a perfectionist, by nature.  It's sometimes debilitating.  I don't want to disappoint those I love.  I want to be perfect for them, so they are proud of me. But I am becoming more and more focused on making GOD proud of me, of letting Him use me for HIS glory, and not my own.  So I have to step out of my own comfort zone, and let Him stretch me and lead me.  I can't conform to this world and still be a light for Him.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind,  that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." ~Romans 12:2 (emphasis mine)

     So, here I go, setting out on a grand adventure of non-conformity and unconventionality.  I am deliberately choosing something that goes against the grain, but that I know without a doubt that is exactly where God is leading me.  And just like the grand adventures I have taken in the past, the ones I had to step out with courage and faith in the unseen, I am floating on a cloud, knowing that this is exactly  where I need to be.

My Precious and Pleasant Riches

I took the title of my blog from the book of Proverbs, chapter 24, verses 3 and 4.

                       By wisdom a house is built,
                          And by understanding it is established;
                       By knowledge the rooms are filled
                           with all precious and pleasant riches. 

   I am blessed with beautiful, precious and pleasant riches that fill my house with laughter and joy and music.

When I was little, I always had something in mind when someone would ask "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I can distinctly remember wanting to be an astronaut and a firefighter...though there was many others, as well.  One thing I never considered was being a mother.  I rarely played with baby dolls, and did not give much thought to being a mother.  Even as I got older, motherhood was far from my mind.  I wanted to do something big, something that made a difference!  I loved children!  I just did not consider having my own.  By the time I was 14, I was settled on being a pediatric physical therapist.  I wanted to help kids with special needs.  I felt a strong draw to them, and my mom had got me a summer volunteer job at the local special needs preschool.  I adored my job and the kids.  I also knew then I wanted to be a mother to a child with special needs, but who would come right out and say that, especially a teenager?

Now that I am a mother (and not a PT...yet), I wouldn't trade this for any degree!! My Precious and Pleasant Riches make me smile every day and I know this is my first calling.  My girls are my life.  I am so blessed to have easy children!

Bug is my oldest (12), she is so sweet and compassionate and very outgoing!  She is very smart, especially in math and science, and talks about being a vet or a baby doctor (neonatologist).  She is sarcastic and sardonic like her daddy.  She has the voice of an angel.  Bug like to be motherly, even though her sisters don't appreciate it much.  She likes to help and know she is helpful.  She likes to volunteer with the children's ministry at church.

Dot is my second (almost 9), and my only blondie! She is introverted by nature but you wouldn't know it by meeting her!  She is bubbly and personable and fun.  She is gifted and has the attention span of a fruit fly, which makes her my most demanding child! But she has a heart of gold and she wears it on her sleeve for all to see.

May May is 4, and as most 4 yr olds are, she is very inquisitive.  She is a talker at home, but does not talk to people she isn't sure of.  She is incredibly smart and, like her big sister Dot, she is very literal and serious, so conversations can be very deep with her (for a 4 yr old, anyway).  One surefire way to get the girl to talk is to ask her about her farm.  She wants a farm when she grows up.  She talks about it every day, what animals will be on her farm, what kind of food she'll have there, what kind of house... I love every minute of it.  I even have a board on pinterest devoted to her farm!

Dee Dee is my youngest (almost 2).  She is our "surprise" baby, the one we didn't intentionally conceive but wanted and loved nonetheless.  She was a surprise from conception and has kept us on our toes, wondering what's next ever since!  She was a preemie and has had a hard time catching up in size, but boy howdy does she pack a big punch in that tiny frame!  She is full of life and joy and personality.  We all love her so much and I have to constantly remind my other three (mostly the two big'uns) that she is a person with feelings and not a baby doll!  She was born while my husband was deployed, and her birth was scary and traumatic and she is literally a miracle.

Most would say four is enough.  "You have your hands full!" is the most common way I get told that.  ("Better than having them empty."  is my most common answer to that statement...) But I still have a seat in the van, a chair at the table and room in my heart.  So, we're going to fill it.  But not in a conventional way...

Who Am I?

       I read lots of blogs; mostly adoption related blogs, but some that are about families who have children with special needs.  I always look in the archives to see if I can get a gist of who this family is, what they are about , and if I can at least get the "characters" straight in the story they are telling.  So, I thought I'd start my blog off with a post like that!  If you are beginning my blogging journey with me, great! Welcome!  I hope I'm not too boring, I hope I can captivate you at least once.  If you are coming into our story in the middle, Welcome!  I hope we have already captivated you enough to keep you coming back for more!

      My name is Carissa (pronounced like Teresa, but with a K sound at the beginning, instead of a T...my parents spelled my name wrong ;-) ). I am first and foremost a child of God, beloved and chosen by the Most High for His glory.  (If you want to know more about Jesus, just ask!!)  I am happily married to my husband of 14 years, Jonathan.  He is active duty in the U.S Air Force.  We have four extremely beautiful, smart, and talented girls, ranging in age from 12 to 2.
     As for me, I love to learn.  My favorite subjects have to do with  The Bible, biology, and human anatomy.  I aspire to be a pediatric physical therapist some day.  But I chose to be a mom first.   I LOVE being a mom.  I didn't know I'd love it this much when I started!  I also like to read, and sew, and craft when I have the time.  My favorite way to get outside is to ride my TerraTrike Cruiser.  I love to bake yummy things for my girls. I can be a bit sarcastic, but I am usually too quiet for anyone to know that about me.  I am very much an introvert.  I need my quiet time to recoup and think.
     I am an Orphan Advocate Coordinator for Grace Haven Ministries.  Jesus broke my heart for the unloved and I want to do anything I am able to ensure that as many of His children are set in families as I can advocate for.  It is very important to me that the organizations I advocate with and for value integrity and honesty, so you can be sure that if you are interested in advocating or adopting, the organizations I mention here are filled with  godly, honest people who will help you.
    Music is a HUGE part of my life.  I played violin in school and loved it.  I met my husband because of his love for music, and many of our dates were to concerts, one he was performing in or just a good show to go to.  God blesses me with songs quite frequently (you know, when you turn on the radio and that song comes on and you just it was meant for you to hear?), and has given me special songs for important events in my life.  My kids have all started singing very early and have proven to be quite talented at it.  Two of them play instruments.  I would not know what to do without music in my life!! I call my life a musical because there is always music in my ears!  At least one of my kids or my husband is always singing!!
     My husband wouldn't want much mention here, he deems social networking to be "evil" even though he has seen the things accomplished through social networking and blogging.  He is a cyber-intel geek, so to him blogs and social media are security risks!  He is into Star Wars and motorcycles and Jesus.  He has the voice of an angel and sings for the worship team at church. He likes to shoot guns and work out...he is quite the "manly man".  He is also tender and compassionate, a protector and a helper.  He loves children, especially his own.  He is snarky and fun-loving and adventurous.
      Maybe I should continue with the girls in another post ... this is getting long!! I hope you stick around, we are getting ready to embark on a HUGE adventure!  You don't want to miss this!